How Can I Hear from God About My Future Spouse?

“God spoke to someone about her future spouse, but the man eventually married someone else. Since God is all-knowing and cannot lie, how was this possible?” 

This question brings up the topic of Prophecy and our views on it. I have heard of a lady who was told a prophecy about her getting married to someone, but the man in question did not approach her. So, at a point, she saw him talking to another lady in church and she walked up to him, hit him and asked “What’s wrong with you, has God not been trying to tell you that I am your wife?!” Some other people have gathered friends to pray that the ears of the person that was prophesied about will be open to hear what God is saying.

Truth is, Prophecy can be complex and often, the way the ministry of the prophetic has been handled in our country is painful to see, it has stopped many people from believing in the Prophetic. It has brought about views that insists that the Bible is all we need, but the Bible itself tells us that it’s not all we need. The Bible tells us that God speaks outside of the Bible, which is ‘Prophecy’.

The Bible is clear that the way God speaks in the Bible is definitive, final and redemptive, and you will not get that in Prophecy. At best, prophecy is meant to confirm what the Bible has said. There is a unique way the Bible speaks, but God still speaks through prophecy today. The problem, however, is that many do not want to listen to prophecy because of the popular stories and reactions to them.

Another aspect of not having a good view of prophecy is that it could lead to a crisis of faith. In Nigerian Christianity part of what is taught in the foundation class after being baptised by water, and in the Holy Spirit, is “How to Hear God for Yourself”, which is often taught in the sense of being absolutely convinced that God has spoken to you through different means such as, a still small voice, experiencing peace and other things. When some people are then sure that they heard something from God and it does not come to pass, they hit a faith crisis and become doubtful of God, questioning His ability to speak and ultimately his existence.

All of these can be traced to a problem of making prophecy a foundation of the Christian faith, which should not be because the surety of how God speaks is not through prophecy but the right interpretation of his word. We must remove prophecy from the category of being foundational, however it is important and requires discernment because of its complexity. God does not put it at the foundational level, and so we must be very careful, especially those of us who like the prophetic. So, for example, we meet someone who has actually prophesied something spectacular and came to pass, which means that he or she has the gift of prophecy but does not mean that everything they say is dependable, such that when such a person espouses bad theology, we take it in.

When Paul was addressing the Prophetic in 1 Corinthians 14:29-38, and some were opposing his stance, he simply told them if they did not recognize what he taught as an apostle, they should not be recognized by the church. In essence, Paul was saying that Prophecy is under Apostolic teaching, hence, if you are a Prophet or under the ministry of the Prophetic, you should learn Biblical theology or get a Theologian to help out.

Back to the question of God speaking about our future spouses. Indeed, God reveals to some people who they will get married to before time, I believe God does so. However, such prophecies or dreams must be handled in the way all prophecies should be; wait for its confirmation.

“God reveals to some people who they will get married to before time. However, such prophecies or dreams must be handled in the way all prophecies should be; wait for its confirmation”

You have to wait, because what you think you heard may not come to pass. So, we must treat a prophecy by waiting. If for example, a man receives a Prophecy from God that a particular lady will become his wife, he can approach her but will be wise not to start off talking about the prophesy because it may ruin things. We can wait on such a prophecy by becoming friends with such a person and in that time, you may realize it was not God who spoke to you. We should learn to treat prophecy with a certain level of care. If it’s a dream, we can look for someone to interpret it, if we are convinced it is true, we must then pray over it. When it seems like the prophecy is not coming to pass, we must still pray over it and be attentive to what God is saying. Sometimes, we will realize it was not God speaking. We must not treat prophecy like a promise because prophecies are not promises, even if it comes to pass, it was not a promise. There are promises of God in the bible, but prophecy is not a promise, so we must be careful how we commit ourselves to it.

If someone prophesies to you, you are allowed to go against it and yet, not have sinned. And so, in the case of the person who heard God speak to her about a man becoming her husband but he married someone else, the moment that man married another woman, she should know that at the very least; he was not the man for her at the moment, and this does not mean she should pray for the death of his wife because that is evil and unbiblical and neither should she pray for the marriage to break apart because as Christians, we should desire the permanence of the marriage institution. What she should do is move on and meet someone else.

Answered by Femi Osunnuyi is lead pastor of City Church, a gospel-centred urban church in the city of Lagos. Because of his passion for church planting and leadership development he also serves on the Lead Team of Acts29 and the Advisory Team of City to City Africa. He is happily married to Tosin and is father to Tofunmi and Timilehin.